 Once you've considered the madness of the below scenario, I'd like you to admit that it would never happen. SCENARIO: Imagine Madonna stepping out onto Wembley's stage. Before her, 12,500 adoring fans, 11,000 homemade posters and a sea of deafening screams await her opening song. Flanked by her world-class band, she reaches for the mic. The crowd falls silent. Her drummer stretches... and with potent gusto, crashes his drum sticks onto the skins, signalling the start of Madonna's 1985 hit 'Crazy For You'. WHY THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN: I've never been to a Madonna gig, but I'm sure she's never opened a concert with 'Crazy For You'. Don't get me wrong, the song is sensational, in fact, it's my favourite Madonna track, but come on... it's hardly an opening banger guaranteed to whip the crowd into a hysterical frenzy, is it? No, it's more a mid-point palate cleanser guaranteed to offer a moment of pleasing respite from her otherwise pulse-racing set. Throughout her career, I suspect Madonna has been more likely to open her concerts with irrefutable hits like 'Vogue', 'Holiday', Like a Prayer', 'Music' et al. My question to you, then, is... when you send your latest business news to influential journalists and media publishers, are you opening your press release with an irrefutable hit (a brilliant hook) or a mid-point palate cleanser (a forgettable fact)? If your press releases and pitches are frequently ignored, topping the list of the most likely reasons is your opening paragraph. Let's fix that. How to open your press release We showed you here what a press release is and how they will boost your business' profile if crafted with care and empathy, but today, two press releases we wrote last month will be revealed — both of which secured our clients an audience reach of over two million each. We will focus specifically on the opening paragraphs, highlighting what you should and shouldn't include in yours. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IN PARAGRAPH #1: Do distill the irresistible essence of your story into one potent sentence. Get the journalist curious. Get the journalist intrigued. Get the journalist invested. Do be deliberate with your choice of words. Use words that are emotional. Use words that are unusual (spiky words). Use words that reflect humanity. Do end on a cliffhanger — make the journalist excited about paragraph #2. WHAT YOU SHOULDN'T DO IN PARAGRAPH #1: Don't mention the name of your business. Unless you're Cadbury's, McDonald's or Nike, no one cares, and frankly, it's unlikely anyone has heard of you. Don't leave out the meatiest bit of your news. The meatiest bit of your news must at least be hinted at in paragraph #1. PR coach Michael Smart put it nicely here when he said, "Something as simple as the order of the items in your pitch has the power to grab or lose a journalist right from the beginning." Don't outstay your welcome. Watch your word count. Be brief! In the words of copywriter and author Tom Albrighton, "Your reader isn't eagerly waiting for your copy. In fact, they'd rather not read it at all. You have literally seconds to capture their attention before it jumps to something else." REAL WORLD EXAMPLES: Last month, two of our new clients, CAWA coffee & WaterBear music college, found themselves in the centre of unprecedented media focus. Featured by the BBC, splashed across newspaper front covers, and profiled by influential websites, it was a month of valuable brand development for them. Rightly so, they're doing great things and we were appointed to share their stories with the public. Taking each client in turn, let's briefly analyse the first paragraph of the press releases we carefully wrote and circulated to targeted media. EXAMPLE 1: CAWA Here's a small snapshot of CAWA's August news activity.  Sheffield Star, August 2022  BBC online, September 2022 So, what did we do deliberately in the opening paragraph of our press release that engaged key journalists? Here's the actual press release we prepared for our client. For context, you can see the opening five paragraphs, but of course, we're only interested in paragraph #1:  Press release by ICONS & MACHINES, 2022 WHAT WE DID IN PARAGRAPH #1: We distilled the essence of our client's story into one brief sentence. We were deliberate with our choice of words. 'Young' was intentionally used to heighten the story's impact. Without 'young', the story has no inspirational context. We ended on a cliffhanger. Paragraph one presents two questions — firstly, which company has advanced and secondly, how? WHAT WE DIDN'T DO IN PARAGRAPH #1: We didn't include a company name that the average journalist won't be familiar with. We didn't omit the most critical information — 3 women are beginning a new life in the UK We didn't outstay our welcome — we were brief. EXAMPLE 2: WATERBEAR Next, let's look at WaterBear. Here's a small snapshot of their August media coverage.
 Sheffield Star online, August 2022 So, what did we do deliberately in the opening paragraph of our press release that engaged journalists? Here are the opening two paragraphs of the press release, but this time, rather than analysing paragraph #1, let's explore the headline instead.  Press release by ICONS & MACHINES, 2022 WHAT WE DID IN THE HEADLINE: We distilled the essence of our client's story into one brief sentence. We were deliberate with our choice of words. 'Iconic' was intentionally used to generate curiosity. Without 'iconic location', the story's only source of curiosity surrounds the identity of the college. With 'iconic location', in an instant, we've doubled the allure of the story. We opened on a cliffhanger. Please note, your headline and paragraph #1 are both prime real estate. In terms of opening your press release with a bang, both should be compelling and neither should be forgettable. Remember, our how to fascinate people with your writing in two seconds is your secret weapon here. WHAT WE DIDN'T DO IN THE HEADLINE: We didn't include a company name that the average journalist won't be familiar with. We didn't omit the most critical information — a successful new college is coming to Sheffield We didn't outstay our welcome — we were brief. CONCLUSION: You've seen, via these excessively brilliant writing tips, that there are proven formulas to persuasive writing. Well guess what... there's a formula to being a world class singer, too. If I asked 20 of the world's biggest recording artists what makes a concert opening great, how many do you think would say, "A nice slow ballad that reminds you of your horrible ex!" Less than one, I reckon. Composing a powerful press release is no different to composing a set list: - Open with a bang - Hook your audience fast - Be deliberate and mean every word To better your chance of accomplishing these outcomes, focus on your headline, focus on paragraph #1, and make both irresistible. Now, if you'll excuse me, I just remembered a little-known Madonna song I played excessively during my radio DJ days. It's called 'Secret Garden'. Released in 1992, it pleases me enormously, and yes, you guessed it... it'd also make a crap concert kick-off. 
To boost your media presence and better engage audiences, call us on 0114 491 0636 or email us on [email protected] — we're the most curious PR specialists you'll talk to today. Alternatively, click here for FREE access to our other brilliant writing & communications articles.
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